Are love marriages?
this is a question that obviously everybody thinks about when they’re about to go through that process of marriage, Am I allowed to fall in love with a woman or the man of my dreams?
that I’m about to get married to this was no different at the time of the prophets (saw) human beings are human beings as much as we tried to believe that, the human beings at the time of the Prophet were completely different. They’re completely innocent in every which way, they had no ability to emotionally attach themselves. The reality is that the human emotions, they have been the same time immemorial, at the time of the Prophet (saw).
There were some scenarios, where two men had come to a family as suitors. And this woman, she was invested emotionally into one man. And the family felt that the other man is better for her. The other man was a richer man, and the poor man was the one that the woman was invested into. And if you think about it, this is one of those standard Bollywood film scenarios as well.
Where you have a woman she’s in love with a man and then someone else comes in proposes to her and the family’s like, Hey, this guy, hair too poor, something is not going for him, we’re not going to send you off with her with him. But this one here, this one looks like the perfect match for you.
So this exact same scenario is going on at the time of the Prophets (saw) And they obviously raised this issue to the Prophet (saw), this is an orphan woman. And the family is very concerned that guardians are worried the parents are not even here.
So who should we marry this woman after they described the scenario very carefully even think about that for a second, they describe every aspect of the scenario they mentioned very clearly,
she is desiring the man who’s poor was destitute, doesn’t have money. So the Prophets (saw) he replied back and this is an authentic hadith,
عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «لَمْ تَرَ لِلْمُتَحَابِّينَ مثل النِّكَاح» . رَوَاهُ ابْن مَاجَه
Ibn ‘Abbas reported God’s Messenger as saying, “You have seen nothing like marriage for increasing the love of two people.”
There’s nothing better for two people who love one another, then getting married. The best thing that you can do when you love someone is that you get married to them. Now, you may say, does that mean love marriages is Halal?
The answer is yes, essentially love marriages are halal.
But what is haram is if you crossed the boundaries of Allah azza wa jal, we can’t cross the boundaries of Allah, meaning you can’t be in a room, a closed room, with a woman alone by yourself or a man alone by yourself. If you’re a female, that’s not halal. You can’t cross the boundaries of Allah in the sense that you can’t get touchy and feely with a person that you’re not married to.
You can’t cross the boundaries of Allah that you start talking about things that you’re not supposed to be talking about. These are the boundaries of Allah. But can you fall in love with someone?
The reality is Love is a feeling you can’t really do much about it. This woman, we expect that she’s probably not doing something haram. Okay, but literally, the Hadith says,
she loves him. So she fell in love with this man. Love it first sight. Some people believe it’s not a reality. But I personally believe it is a reality because it’s an emotion. You might say, Oh, it’s lust. But sometimes people can get different people have different emotional states as well, we have to understand that.
Psychology doesn’t work the same with every single person. People have different minds, different abilities to comprehend information, different ways they, they comprehend and receive things as well. So people can sometimes get emotionally invested really fast. And the Prophet saw that this woman is emotionally invested in this man. And so the prophets (saw), gave her the right solution. And that is to respect her feelings, the Prophet, respect the feelings of people, even if they happen to be feelings of love.
For the parents, I want to say something very important. If you force your children into a marriage, they’re going to have feelings of resentment, and then you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. They’ll bring it up to you at times later on, within their lives. If something goes wrong, you’re going to take the brunt of the responsibility guide your children don’t force them into their decisions. If they have someone they love or respect what they want to do and give them guidance. No one’s saying don’t give them guidance. That’s what you’re there for. But Don’t force your decisions upon your children. Because if you do, believe me, I deal with marriage and divorce cases all the time.
There’s a lot of resentment that piles up over the years, this is not the person I want it, you’re going to affect your relationship with your children, and the feelings of resentment will develop and they will continue to grow.
The second problem that’s going to happen is that you’re going to be bringing a new person into the life of your child and your family. If you force that decision, and the heart of your child is actually with someone many times that heart might turn away from that some person far away in a galaxy far away, whatever it right, that heart might turn away from that other person that they used to love. And now it’s with this new person. But there’s also many times where the heart sticks with that old person that they loved. And because of that the feelings of resentment are there. So you’ve caused two problems. You’ve created a dysfunctional relationship between yourself and your child, and you have gotten your child into a marriage that is also dysfunctional, oftentimes, it may result into a divorce as well.
So don’t force your decisions upon your children give them guidance. If they’re doing something completely foolish, like they’re bringing a drug addict for marriage, then you have to step in and say, hey, look, this decision doesn’t seem like an educated one.