Scholar EnglishNouman Ali Khan

The Best Way To Control Your Anger

Even though you’re scared, even though you’re angry, even though any of those emotions are there and they’re valid, you still did not cross the line, you still didn’t become ungrateful, you still didn’t disobey allah, you still didn’t say the wrong thing. When you’re very angry it’s too easy to use bad words. Sabar means not that you’re not angry anymore. Sabar means you were able to not use those words.

You’re allowed those emotions, but you channel them in a healthy way. You express your anger in a more articulate way, in a more decent way, the same thing with your sadness the way, the same thing with your fear.

When these emotions take hold of you, it’s too easy to disobey allah. It’s too easy to become ungrateful to allah. It’s too easy to deny the teachings of the deen. For example people say the worst things when they’re upset. They say the most horrible things when they’re angry. Sabar would mean you’re Still upset but you still held your tongue. Actually the original meaning of the word sabara. I was just looking it up on my way here again.

Is habasa, is to hold something back, it’s to control something and it’s quran is teaching us control but it’s not control over your emotions. It’s control over the actions, that the emotions are valid the actions are that we have which we have to control and crying, being sad, being upset is not one of them.

Now, why do i feel so compelled to share this with you. Because, i consider it a form of oppression that we take people that have you know, lashed out, people that have become upset, people that have become sad, and we make them feel like now not only are they emotionally out of place, they’ve got a spiritual problem too.

They don’t have a spiritual problem. Don’t accuse them of having a lack of iman or a lack of sabar. They don’t have a lack of sabar, and so i gave you one example of sadness. I’d like to give you one quick example of anger. That’s actually my favorite example i’ll be talking about it tomorrow night at length.

Aisha (ra) was accused of wrongdoing the one of the worst humiliating, you know, scandals a muslim woman can ever go through our mother went through, right?
No woman here can imagine those kinds of horrible things being said about her, not to mention an entire city of people are talking about it. Not to mention that. And at the end of it all, i’ll give you the riddle, but i won’t give you the answer today at the end of it all, rasulullah (saw) came and sat next to her and said. If you’re guilty admit it and allah will forgive basically, and if you’re innocent allah will prove you’re innocent.

She had been crying for almost three consecutive days by then, rasulullah came and sat next to her (saw) it’s been a month that the prophet didn’t even sit next to her. This was after a month the first time rasulullah (saw) sat next to her…
Since the word had begun, he had not sat next to me she says, when he sat next to her, he said if you’re guilty and if you’re innocent, two options. If you’re innocent allah will prove your innocence. If you’re guilty admit it and allah will forgive.

She had been crying for how long, what did i say?
So what what emotion is that?
But she says the moment he said it,
My tears dried up,
I couldn’t feel a single drop.
The tears are gone. What did you say?
What do you mean if?

My own husband telling me, if i’m innocent?
If i’m guilty?
What are you trying to say?
That sadness turned into what?

Anger at who?
And her mother and her father were sitting next to her. And she told her dad answer him. He said i don’t know what to say. She told her mom ajibi, answer him. She says, i dont know.

I swear to god, i don’t know what to say? And then she’s even more mad, she was already mad at rasulullah (saw).
Now who’s she angry at?
Her parents. Now quran will tell us, if you raise your voice to the messenger of allah…………
Don’t raise your voice to the voice of the messenger (saw), because if you do what happens…………
All your good deeds are taken away. All your good deeds are taken away if you simply what, raise your voice to rasulullah (saw).

Quran also tells us
Don’t talk to your parents don’t even let them see a sign of frustration on your forehead, and whenever you speak to them, don’t scold them and speak to them in a dignified fashion.
So there are three people in front of her, her mother, her father and the messenger of allah and the three people quran says you better watch how you speak in front of them.

Those three people are in front of her and she is experiencing what emotion?

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